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Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

9 May
Welcome to the Swap Meet.

Welcome to the Swap Meet.

The Santa Fe Springs Swap Meet has really taken hold of the tribute band circuit by continuously hosting many different kinds of faux rock legends.  What is a swap meet you ask?  It’s like a flea market.  What is a flea market you ask?  Well, it’s “a gathering at which enthusiasts or collectors trade or exchange items of common interest.” So mixed in with the sunglasses, bunnies, nuts, ladies clothing, kids’ toys, vintage action figures, tutus, beer and hats you will find some surprisingly entertaining music.  They hosted what may be one of the best shows I’ve ever seen for $1 – which is the entrance fee to the Swap Meet.

People getting into it.

People getting into it.

I was unaware of the underground (does it count as underground if I just don’t know about it?) world of phenomenal and very serious “tribute” bands.  I put tribute in quotes because of the couple I’ve seen, they are good enough to stand on their own.  However, instead of doing so they offer up their musical talents and pay homage to those that came before them and impacted them so fiercely.  I mean, it’s not just any day that one decides to completely embody another man so devoutly and fanatically.  It is a strange parallel universe, that’s for sure.  And let’s be honest, the band names alone make it worth it.  A majority of the time the wordplay bridge melding the names of the original band with the tribute band is fucking genius.

During my first foray into tribute bands at this “venue” I saw Led Zepagain, which I hope you’re picking up is a Led Zeppelin Tribute Band, and they were mind-blowing.  In a good way.  A really good way.  (Is it weird that the lead singer might be better than the current Robert Plant??)  So when I had the opportunity to see Bonfire, which is the not-as-obvious name of an AC/DC Tribute Band, I was 100% into it.  These guys are pure entertainment.  You don’t know if you’re laughing with them or at them, but the important part is that you’re laughing. Talk about pouring your heart and soul out onto a stage!  They were wild, loud and took advantage of their opportunity to shine in the spotlight.  They hit all the high points – hair, school boy uniform, duckwalk, devil horns, energy and everything that comes along with it – the “Angus Young” runs through the crowd and performs on tables for goodness sake!  Even though these guys originated in Los Angeles, the lead singer even had an Australian accent.  Real?  Not real? We’ll never know, but I think it says something about their commitment level.

Be warned – In some of the below photos you will see topless men of a certain age…

yeah!

Yeah!

Horns.

Horns.

A stint in the crowd!

A stint in the crowd!

Tandem

Tandem

"Angus"

“Angus”

Did I mention the groupies?  I didn’t?!  Well, they were an integral part to the whole retro experience!  The big hair and remnants of the once young, screaming AC/DC fans and panty throwers was a highlight.  Speaking of people watching, there was a lot of it.  Interesting crowd at the ol’ Swap Meet.  Plenty of tattoos, lots of kids and lots of people rocking both AC/DC and Bonfire T-shirts all making for a very watchable audience.

Awesome Hair.

Awesome Hair.

Thanks for the tip.

Her button says, “End Slavery Now.” – Thanks for the tip, Obvious Police.

Having a grand time!

Having a grand time!

Nice.

Nice.

A fan.

A fan.

Colors of the rainbow.

Colors of the rainbow.

Yep.

Yep, this picture sums up my experience.

They play three hour-long sets with one hour breaks in between.  During these breaks is a good time to explore the above mentioned Swap Meet merchandising. It takes about an hour to get there from L.A. in traffic.  So go get a churro and have a good time.

Coming up on the horizon this summer:

MAY

Hard Days Night (Tribute to the Beatles)

These Handsome Devils (Tribute to Morrissey and The Smiths)

JUNE

Red Not Chili Peppers (See above wordplay comment)

No Duh (uh huh, Tribute to No Doubt; this might by my favorite one)

Electric Funeral (Tribute to Black Sabbath)

Aeromyth (See above wordplay comment)

JULY

Pyromania (Tribute to Def Leppard)

The Rising (Tribute to Bruce Springsteen)

Damage, Inc. (Tribute to Metallica)

Lyvyn Skynyrd (Tribute to Lynryd Skynyrd)

Click here for Bonfire’s website – Click here for the Santa Fe Springs Swap Meet’s website13963 Alondra Blvd., Santa Fe Springs, CA  90670

Out!

Out!

Out!

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California Bear

8 May
Photo by Jeff - yenemy1a

Photo by Jeff – yenemy1a

Hello world!  I was hibernating, but now I’m back and good to go…

From Hero to Zero

8 Jan
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Throughout history there are unhappy and sorrowful stories where something beloved is quickly discarded without thought or care.  One such case is the tragic tale of the Christmas tree.  Even the notorious and famous that do wrong are eventually forgiven (Chris Brown, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Martha Stewart, Michael Jackson, Milli Vanilli – OK Milli Vanilli were never forgiven, I guess domestic abuse, adultery, fraud and accused child sexual abuse beat out lip syncing in our culture).  But no, the sad, sorry Christmas tree which once shone bright, sat on a pedestal and was cherished by adoring families is now a piece we’re desperate to get rid of.

Most aren’t even given a clean death, a hero’s death.  They aren’t wrapped in shroud and given food and wealth for the after world or next life.  They aren’t swiftly beheaded.  They were not laid upon a pyre and sent down the river.  There are no happy words of remembrance or tears shed.  None of that for the previously prized Christmas tree now being dragged from our homes by the trunk, kicking and screaming before being thrown on the curb with the rest of the trash.  Left in the street, not even taken to a proper burial site.

Poor Christmas tree.  Poor, poor Christmas tree.
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And So It Begins…

1 Jan
Photo from bighappyfunhouse.com

Photo from bighappyfunhouse.com

Hopefully this finds you recovering nicely from a hangover after ringing in the New Year with good friends, good food and good booze!  May your resolutions not fall by the wayside and may this year bring you lots of happy surprises.  With luck you will be cured of any and all ailments and genuinely laugh more than you have in years –

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas – Los Angeles

17 Dec
Photo by V. Smoothe

Photo by V. Smoothe

Almost nothing is more classic during the holidays than ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas.  However, I really enjoy the updated versions/parodies that exist out there.  I was shocked that I couldn’t find one specific to Los Angeles, so I decided to try my hand at writing one.  LA has to represent!

The poem was published for the first time in 1823 and is most commonly credited to Clement Clarke Moore.  Although, there was some dissension and many believe that it was actually written by Henry Livingston, Jr.  So I take this opportunity to apologize to both Mr. Moore and Mr. Livingston respectively for the hack job I have done to this beautiful poem.

‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS 

Los Angeles version by SoJejune

 

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through LA,

no one was stirring, not even the gays.

The stockings were hung by space heaters with care,

in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

 

The hipsters were nestled all snug in their jeans,

while visions of indie bands danced in their dreams.

All actors lay down on their pillows with reason,

to nap and relax before pilot season.

 

When out in the city there arose such a clatter.

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

knocking into the table and spilling my stash.

 

I looked all around, but all my eyes could meet,

was the West Hollywood Jesus down on the street.

Then, I looked up and thought I’d had too much wine,

but there was Santa and his reindeer on the Hollywood sign.

 

I rushed out of the house, trying to catch him,

but hit traffic at the Grove, and thought, “I’ll never get them!”

I got to Griffith Observatory and could still see my guy,

apparently he stopped to eat In and Out’s 4×4 with animal fries.

 

A little old driver, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

I finally got a close look and he couldn’t be handsomer,

although he should’ve gone with a little less St. Topaz self-tanner.

 

As he readied to leave, his team they came,

And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:

 

“Now Dasher!  Now Dancer!

Now, Prancer and Vixen!

On, Comet! On, Cupid!

On Donner and Blitzen!

To the Santa Monica Pier!  To the Venice Canals!

Now dash away!  Dash away!

Dash away all!”

 

I hid on his sleigh, and could see roof top pools,

with all the studio heads and starlets donning their jewels.

The artificial snow was falling as they discussed,

their TV and movie ratings and box office bumps.

 

He looked at his list and realized he forgot,

peppermint macaroons for Bobby, believe it or not!

He uttered a gasp when he tried for a spot,

did he think he would find parking in a Trader Joe’s lot?

 

I peeked into his bag and what a kind, jolly ol’ soul,

he brought SAG cards for everyone and not any coal!

He had CDs from Ameoba, and clearly concurs,

as he finally brought Leo and Johnny their Oscars!

 

As he continued on from house to house,

he filled all the stockings, quiet as a mouse.

The food though, was more than he could handle,

for instead of cookies and milk, there were too many Vegan veggie scrambles.

 

He packed up his sack and past the palm tress they flew,

past the food trucks, Hollywood Bowl and Getty Center, too.

But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight.

 

“Happy Christmas LA, and to all a good night!”

 

Photo by Thomas Pintaric

Photo by Thomas Pintaric

Our Mini Christmas Tree

11 Dec
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I love Christmas trees; can’t be helped.  I also like when they are decorated in the typical clusterfuck / Christmas throw up fashion.  And by that I mean, no coordination, lots of ornaments, lots of lights, lots of tinsel, lots of everything Christmas related found, and affixed to a tree.

Since I wasn’t in LA for Christmas last year, my genius boyfriend got us a little place holder, a potted mini tree…perfect!  It’s nice for many reasons, one of those being, since it’s potted you can keep it alive and kicking until the next year!  You’ll never have to buy (and kill) another tree again!  Well, in theory anyway.  Ours only made it to August.  I blame my general lack of watering and care outside of the Christmas season to this sad fact.  However, this year, this year, things are going to be different.

My goal this year is to have our little tree, who I’m going to take a moment here and name Willie the Tree, make it until next year.  I promise to water you and give you the proper and recommended amount of shade.  To cuddle and read you a bed time story every night.  Hey, if you’re lucky, maybe I’ll get you a shiny new pot to reside in!  How does that sound, buddy?  I promise to do this for you…

And so now I raise my glass to you Willie – to health and good luck!

The NEW Hollywood Walk of Fame

30 Nov

Someone’s fantastic street (or sidewalk) art…

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These are awesome, and I couldn’t imagine them being anywhere but where they were found – on Hollywood Blvd.

L.A. Unicorn – Angelyne

9 Nov

Angelyne the Billboard Queen – Photo by Thomas Hawk

Guys.  If anyone were to ask you why L.A. is a fun place to live, you would be able to provide a simple answer.  That being – because we have our very own unicorn, and her name is Angelyne.

The first time that I encountered Angelyne was when my young self was watching “Earth Girls Are Easy”.  If you haven’t had the honor of watching this movie, please stop what you’re doing and go watch it; you can finish reading when you come back.  It’s one of the best worst movies of all time.  It stars Geena Davis, Jeff Goldblum and very young versions of Damon Wayans and Jim Carey.  The latter three being aliens who crash their space ship into valley girl Geena Davis’ pool. Upon discovery, she and Down Town Julie Brown shave their colorful alien fur revealing hot, human looking aliens.  Romance and science fiction ensue.

I didn’t know what Angelyne meant to Los Angeles until I moved here, years later. She’s been driving around in her pink, Barbie corvette since the 80’s becoming an idol/celebrity/icon/darling of Hollywood after putting up billboards of herself all across Los Angeles.  With her platinum blonde hair, voluptuous figure, and pink everything, she became a local superstar.  I’m certain that no one outside of Los Angeles really understands who Angelyne is or can really appreciate how exciting it is to see her driving around town with the specialty license plate ANGELNN, but if you see her, you feel like you’ve been let in on an inside joke. You’ve finally seen the sailboat.  Bigfoot, Nessie, El Chupacabra and the Yeti had a party and you crashed it.  You’ve seen a mythical creature others have only heard about; you’ve seen it with your own eyes.  Welcome, you have now officially arrived in L.A.

Her moniker, Angelyne the Billboard Queen, perfectly sums her up.  She is famous only because she believed she was famous and was fortuitous enough to meet a rich somebody else who also believed it, well that or she was from a surprisingly wealthy family or she was excellent at money management.  I’m guessing it was the first option since these days she seems to be struggling, selling Angelyne paraphernalia out of the truck of her car and selling her Malibu (Barbie) apartment in 2010.  She can still be spotted driving around town (I’ve seen her twice at my Albertson’s in the past month.)

I’m not sure what occupies most of her time these days, but I guarantee you if E! and the reality show world we live in now would have been going strong back in the 80’s, she would have had her own hit show, chock full of delicious anecdotes and train wreck moments.  Damn FOX, are we sure “Cops” was the better option?

Hotter Than Hades

16 Sep

Yesterday it was over 100 degrees in Los Angeles.  Today?  Also, hot.  Too hot.  Most of the time the heat goes unnoticed by me since I work long hours in an air-conditioned environment, usually even wearing a sweater or jacket.  I know, don’t hate me.  I’m oblivious to the heat unless it goes down on the weekend and then I’m whining like a little bitch.  I whine because I, along with many Angelenos, do not have AC.  Sure, the heat index is worse in a lot of other places, South Florida, Arizona, etc., but those lucky bastards typically have AC, which makes it bearable.  In fact, in Florida it’s considered an actual emergency if your AC breaks.  You would be permitted to call the emergency number on the repairman’s answering service.  Lucky you.

Here are some things you can do to stay cool if you are without air-conditioning on a terrible, horrible, disgusting, hot day.  Side note: While doing these things you should wear as little clothes as possible (you’re not a slut if the temperature is over 85 degrees) and ice water, beer and creamsicles are heavily suggested.

1.  Go to the MALL – Embrace your inner teenager and go to the mall. Window shop in the free air-conditioning and have an Orange Julius.  Go with your boyfriend so you can hold hands awkwardly and make out in the corner.  Or, if you go with your girlfriends, be sure to wear almost the exact same thing and style your hair in the exact same way.  Oh, and don’t forget to talk loudly and laugh and squeal a lot.  These additional tips won’t help with the cooling process, but since you’re there, it will help with your overall nostalgic experience.

2.  Go to a MOVIE – Go to your own tiny dark hole filled with joyous AC and be entertained (in theory).  For a few brief hours, you will forget that there is a scorching hot world outside.  There are some good movies out/coming out soon too.  Some suggestions: “Beasts of a Southern Wild”, “Lawless”, “The Master” (this one gets a gold star since it will keep you in there for 2 ½ hours), “Jesse and Celeste Forever” and “Expendables 2” (hey, it’s supposed to be good if you like that sort of thing).

3.  Go to the GROCERY STORE – Make like The Bundy’s and go.

 

4.  Take COLD SHOWERS – This is for when you can’t leave your house, because if you did, you would incinerate.  When you are forced to sit in the hot box stillness, this will help you make it through.  Or, you can try the younger sibling of a cold shower; it’s basically a cold shower without the full immersement part.  Wash your hands and without drying them, run the excess water along your arms, legs and chest and stand/sit in front of a fan.  It’s wonderful.

5.  Go to a BAR/RESTAURANT with AC – Also, it should have closed windows and doors so that delicious AC can’t escape out into the cruel, cruel world.  Bring a deck of cards and hang for a while.

6.  DRIVE AROUND in your air-conditioned car – But, what about the astronomical gas prices, you say?  Well, friend, sometimes reaching nirvana via cool air is worth the extra money.

7.  Phone a FRIEND – “Help me I’m poor.” [Think Kristen Wiig in “Bridesmaids”.] Maybe some sympathetic friend will take pity on your bad situation and adopt you for the day.

8.  Take a NAP – Seriously.  If you are able to, maybe you can sleep-out the heat.  When you wake up it will at least be cooler than it was went you passed out from heat exhaustion.

9.  POOL – I put this last because this option is unattainable in my world and hence makes me want to cry.  Not for lack of trying, I’ve got a B & E wound to prove it.  IF, you are one of the fortunate souls that has pool access, move this baby all the way up to the number one slot.  Enjoy that.  No no no, I’m not bitter! Of course not, I’m happy for you.  You and your pool…as I weep heavily into my hands.

The silver lining is that we are working on the last days of summer and fall is right around the corner (hopefully).  Sooner than later, we can say so long to this damn heat wave and hello to a new set of temperature extremes to complain about!

Photo by Miguel Virkkunen Carvalho. Pulled from wikimedia commons

Business or Pleasure?

4 Sep

Antique vibrator. Photo by Wknight94, pulled from wikimedia commons.

Jimmy Jane is hiring.  Not for an HR position or sales manager, but for a product tester.  What kind of products, you ask?  Well, Jimmy Jane happens to be one of the fancy-schmancy, premier adult toy companies these days.  Wow, if only they made products for men.  I feel like this would be right up there with video game tester in the fantasy job department.  Or maybe an ice cream tester for the ladies. (Not that guys don’t like ice cream and girls don’t like video games…I’m generalizing here.)  Man, talk about putting in for overtime…

Click here for the application – do you have what it takes??

Advertisement from the New-York Tribute published in 1913. Pulled from wikimedia commons.

NPR or Bust

30 Aug

I feel I might be a little late to the game with NPR, or maybe I’m just finally coming of age.  Yes, that’s better.  This is a “coming of age” piece where we see our protagonist grow and learn through…ahh, forget it.  Simply put, NPR is awesome because there’s something fun and nostalgic about radio shows, well that and they’re very entertaining.  When I was growing up, I was accustomed to listening to songs on the radio interjected with brief uninteresting DJs piping up with their two cents about nothing anyone cares about.  I’d wrongly been under the impression that National Public Radio was a boring place where boring adults would tune in to get the latest boring news.  This initial image was solidified when the hilarious Molly Shannon and Ana Gasteyer became well-known doing their “SNL” skit “Delicious Dish” poking fun at the calm and monotonous manner in which some of the featured shows on NPR were conducted.  You could say it, “cracked people the fuck up”.  It shattered the sound barrier with laughter, especially when Alec Baldwin hosted and participated in their infamous “Schweddy Balls” bit.  Who doesn’t appreciate a healthy dose of innuendo?!  Getting back to the point – so now, now that I’m an adult (I think), as part of my adult initiation I was introduced, in a real way, to NPR.  That along with other perks of adulthood such as, eating ice cream for dinner, day drinking and being able to rent a car.

If you haven’t been sexed in to the NPR gang just yet, below are some shows that you should tune in to.  Also, they have podcasts available just in case you don’t find yourself in the car at precisely the right moment they happen to be airing (because who the F listens to the actual radio outside of the car anymore!?  No, seriously, name somebody who’s not over 50 and does that.)  Here we go…

Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me! – The show hosted by Peter Sagal and his trusty sidekick Carl Kasell is absolutely hysterical.  It hosts numerous comedians and other interesting guests who have the opportunity to win the aforementioned Carl Kasell’s voice on the home answering machine of one lucky listener.  How hilarious is that?  For some reason, the silliness of this cracks me up and I find myself wishing so very very hard that he would leave my outgoing message.  I would totally re-get a landline for that!  This, along with the fact they make the news shockingly appealing with their weekly trivia and celebrity appearances, has made me a believer.  While it’s always clean, it’s always funny.  I can’t pinpoint why, but I find myself laughing out loud over and over again.  I mean, that’s always a good sign, right?

Old. School. Radio. Pulled from wikimedia commons.

Fresh Air w/ Terry Gross – She is a phenomenal interviewer, one of the best I’ve ever heard.  I didn’t even realize I had an opinion on interviewers until I heard her and then subsequently Dick “blah blah” Gordon who hosts “The Story” immediately following her show.  He’s an awful and selfish interviewer. Alright, that’s a little harsh, but I bet he’s lobbied to get his time slot moved away from hers so the contrast isn’t as obvious…$100 bucks.  Even if her guest isn’t someone I would typically find interesting, I’m always captivated with them and the story she helps solicit.  On top of being generally entertained, you might get a book, movie or music suggestion out of it depending on who the guest turns out to be.  All I know is, I adore Louis C.K. even more than I did prior to listening to him on her show and I now have an interesting, shall we say, opinion of Meryl Streep.  Her manner of speaking and the content within her interview immediately took me back to her character in “She-Devil”.  Yeah, you heard me, I said it.  As much as I worship Meryl’s genius as an actress, her real-lady self isn’t as fascinating.  Oh, c’mon, she’s not really a deity, relax already.  You’d think I just told all of West Hollywood that there wasn’t a Santa Claus.  Anyway – Terry. Gross.

Car Talk – Oh, the Click and Clack Brothers, how I treasure thee.  Who knew that two guys talking about cars could be so brazenly hilarious?  I didn’t know, until I did.  They are two actual brothers who know everything, and I mean everything about cars.  They are both MIT graduates and have got it down on all things related to gas guzzlers.  It’s a call in format where guests relay their particular car issue and explain what has happened, the noise it’s making or why they would appreciate an expert’s validation of their attempt to figure out why their automobile isn’t working properly.  It’s free and impartial advice to those who seem to be stuck in a frustrating car related situation.  In my opinion, one of the best things about the show is – they laugh.  They have these great laughs and they will make you laugh.  Please catch them before they retire after 35 years in October and no longer air newly recorded shows – they had a cartoon once that aired on PBS and have fabulous Boston accents…what more do you want!?

A Prairie Home Companion – This is a classic, but I’m still far too burned from the movie to listen.

Do yourself a favor and graduate from Ryan Seacrest.  Or at least switch it up to include some of the good ol’ radio shows of NPR every once in a while!

My Bizarre Fascination with Cemeteries

27 Aug

I’m completely fascinated with cemeteries.  Never could put my finger on why…

Challenge: Have a MINI Dance Party

23 Aug

Josephine Baker; Photo by Lucien Walery; pulled from Wikimedia Commons

Dance parties are always fun, always.  MINI-dance parties are even better.  They’re usually spontaneous and can happen anywhere at anytime.  These are safe zones.  No judgment can be passed – no one’s mellow can be harshed.  You are now free and able to contort your bodies into a variety of natural spasms and jerks.  You will have fun doing this, you will loosen up and you can stand tall knowing that you just improved your quality of life.

It doesn’t matter where you are; you can have one in a bar.  Or even better, in your car.  You can start one in the rain; you can start one on a train.  You can have one in a hotel tower; you can have one in the shower.  You can dance all by yourself or with tons of people on the twelfth (of whenever).  You can have them in a square, you can have them anywhere!  Oh snap, see that?  Dr. Seuss ain’t got nothing on me…(no disrespect Mr. Dr. Seuss, but I’m going to get a little fresh since we’re talking about dance parties.)  OK, I know I know I know, not my best rhyming, but look deeper into the kindergarten like rhymes and you’ll see my point.  They don’t need to take place somewhere specific!  This goes right along with the letting loose nature of dancing itself.  (My rhyming, much like my dancing style, clearly hasn’t graduated past elementary school.)

So what if I’ve been told semi-recently I dance like a 5th grader!?A bestowment which I now carry around with me like a medal of honor.  If you’re concerned about how cool you look while busting a move, you’re doing it wrong.  I tend to be partial to mini-dance parties that have an 80’s theme, but any genre of music will do.  Below are some songs that without fail insight immediate dancing happiness (I dare you not to jump, skip or flail around whilst listening to these.  If you don’t, we’ve got bigger problems)…

MODERN LOVE – David Bowie

 

DANCING WITH MYSELF – Billy Idol


LET’S GO CRAZY – Prince (song starts at :19)

Palm Trees a Go-Go

20 Aug

I am depressed.  This is a sad post.  Very, very sad.  Hey, stop laughing at me; I’m being serious.  This is what depresses me…

There are many things I love about LA, but an image that has always been extremely dear to me is that of streets lined with tall, skinny palm trees that are up so high, they dazzle the sky.  They’re peaceful and beautiful additions to a bustling, high-octane city.  They’re so perfect, so calming.  I choose certain streets to drive down over others just so I can see them.  Billions of people associate palm trees and Los Angeles, and rightfully so.  Of all the buildings and people who have changed over the years, the palm trees have stayed the same; they are one of the few things that tie the worlds of old and new Hollywood together.  And this is when it gets sad…because in the near future, they are going to be gone.

Trees are living and because of this atrocious fact, they also die.  This is something we learn as youngsters, usually the day our first goldfish goes belly up.  The city isn’t replanting them for a slew of stupid reasons, some of those being that their upkeep is expensive (all that trimming, etc.), this particular type of tree doesn’t provide shade (Seriously???  Is this the only reason nature exists in a city?  To provide shade??  Jeez, I feel like that’s right up there with “the dog ate my homework.”), and they’re not particularly known for their help with carbon monoxide/air filtration/cleansing the smog, etc.

This particular species of palm tree (the tall skinny kind – so scientific, I know) has a typical lifespan of roughly 100 years and the majority of these were planted back in the 20’s & 30’s.  Do the math.  I can’t image this city without them, but unfortunately they are going to start dropping one by one.  Watch out for your cars and houses.  Don’t worry about me in that capacity, I’m covered, I rent and have subterranean parking.  But, one day there will be Oaks and Sycamores lining our streets instead of the palms that will very soon be celebrating their centennial.

There is a project dedicated to replanting trees in LA, called the Million Trees Project, which will replace the fading palms with new trees.  They’ll be putting in all sorts of trees – except for palms.  Sure, some will be planted, but the amount will be nowhere near the quantity we have now.  This species of tree isn’t one of those lucky bastards that gets to live it’s remaining days in La La Land and revel in its fame.  Imagine all those little baby trees that get to see their relatives on TV and in the MOVIES!  Oooooo!!!  But no more, shade is a problem in LA and we need to rectify it.

The types of trees that are going to fill our city in 20 years.

It would be wonderful if there was a better way around this, but alas, we are going to be forced to conform to the new LA.  The sycamore and oak version of LA.  People will come to our city with stars in their eyes, they’ll see the Hollywood sign, they’ll go on audition after audition, they’ll go to Amoeba and the Cinerama Done, but they won’t see the abundance of palm trees that we see today.

Maybe Hugh Hefner will come in and save the palm trees like he did with the Hollywood sign.  He is my local hero…

Beer: Hitachino Nest 3 Days for Days

11 Aug

These exist in my refrigerator.

This beer has a special story.  The Kiuchi Brewery in Japan (Hitachino Nest Beers) released a very limited amount, only 8,000 bottles, of a beer they’ve titled Hitachino Nest 3 Days.

A batch of beer was in the mashing stage of the beer making process when the infamous 9.0 magnitude earthquake struck Japan in March 2011.  Parts of the brewery were damaged and the whole facility was without electricity for three days.  With something has horrific as that having happened, you didn’t think the beer would be the same, did you?  The beer, left to its own devices, began fermenting on its own.  Once those three days had passed and power was finally reinstated, they decided to bottle it as planned much to the gratification of all of us lucky enough to try it.  You now get the title…

My boyfriend and I were a little late to the game discovering this gem of a beer.  He stumbled upon it  during a trip to Vegas and bought the bar’s last bottle.  I was able to track down six bottles in San Francisco and had them shipped to us for his birthday.  We cracked one open a few nights ago and it’s lovely.  The remaining five bottles are living very happily in our refrigerator just waiting for the opportunity to delight on a special occasion (also known as a Saturday).

The New Crazy Cat Lady

9 Aug

I took this. This happened.

Crazy Cat Ladies are so last decade.  Crazy Dog Stroller Ladies are taking over crazy lady market!  You know who I mean, they are the crazy ladies that walk around pushing dogs in baby strollers.  I see them everywhere, around the neighborhood, at the park, at Target (not kidding).  Babies belong in baby strollers, you say?  No, nope, not the case.

Now, I’m not saying Crazy Cat Ladies are on the decline, in fact I think the opposite is true.  There was a study released earlier this summer in the Archives of General Psychiatry revealing that maybe the crazy cat came before the crazy lady and not vice versa.  It states that cats are likely carriers of a particular parasite, that when passed along to humans (most commonly via changing litter boxes), those people in turn have an increased risk of suicide, schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.  So, put that in your pipe and smoke it and make sure to have your crazy aunt get checked out.

Don’t you see?  This changes everything.  These ladies weren’t crazy on their own – the cats made them that way!  Seemingly, the chicken came first in this scenario.

Man, it makes you wonder what’s going on with the Dog Stroller crowd…

The creators of this were onto something. Pulled from iwastesomuchtime.com

A Man Named Senna

3 Aug

Pulled from Instituto Ayrton Senna

Senna.  Last night I watched the 2010 documentary of the same name.  It’s a beautiful tragedy about the life and racing career of Formula One driver Ayrton Senna, who died competing in the sport he felt so passionately about.

As someone who’s never been dedicated to watching sports, I was happy to succumb to it when two of my awesome and devoted Formula One-loving friends opened my eyes.  Now, I love it.

What you need to know is, “Senna” isn’t a conventional documentary.  It could very easily be a scripted drama with its heart, intense rivalry, sadness and intrigue. I’d known about this movie, but even with my newfound adoration of the sport, I was reluctant to see it because of my blasé attitude toward documentaries.  Then the night came when all the stars, moons & planets aligned; after it had been playing for less than a minute I was already enraptured.  You can tell almost instantaneously this film is so well crafted and cared for that you’re in for something great.  It’s so dramatic and Senna himself so enigmatic that you lose yourself in it, in him, waiting to see how his story unfolds.

This one is worth watching.

Spoiler alert: It’s very possible you’ll cry like a little bitch, mark my words.

Pulled from a tumblr acct – no information provided

Let’s Brainstorm: Olympics Edition

2 Aug

Clever. Pulled from notcot.org

The Olympics.  Yep, they’re happening.  You wouldn’t be able to escape them if you tried.  Every time they come around, I can’t help but wonder the same thing over and over – what is the next “odd” sport that the Olympics are going to recognize?

Have you ever really thought about how almost ALL of the games are just plain bizarre?  That they’re weirdly simplistic in theory?  We’ve got people taking a big stick and using that to thrust themselves over another stick.  We’ve got people jumping around on beams.  We’ve got people dancing around in a pool together and we’ve got people flipping around on rings hanging from the ceiling.  See what I mean?

The Summer Games hit both sides of the spectrum; they range from “normal” sports/games (i.e. tennis, basketball, volleyball, etc.) to more antiquated and eyebrow raising events (those that seem almost too silly to belong in such a prestigious and internationally recognized affair).  There’s no middle ground.  You get Basketball or Table Tennis.   You get Hockey or Javelin Throwing.  I mean, how does one get into javelin throwing in the first place?  However, if I’m watching, I find myself enjoying the more unconventional events.  Can you believe they discontinued tug-of-war in 1920?!  I would watch the hell out of that…

Charles Atlas & the Rockettes from smithsonianmag.com

The International Olympic Committee has approved two new sports that will be added to the 2016 Olympics, those being rugby sevens (a, you guessed it, seven man version) and golf.  But, even these are previously discontinued sports now making a comeback.  Yes, I know exactly what you’re thinking.  While the Games have known their share of scandal; you think they are too squeaky-clean!  Why not reduce the illustrious and beloved Olympics down to another episode of “The Real Housewives of Who Gives a Shit” by allowing Tiger Woods to participate?  What’s next?  Invite Mike Tyson the rapist and Michael Vick the puppy-killer to take part in their respective sports?   Let’s come up with something new and unusual!  And preferably rapist-free!

Unless we are OK with the Olympics phasing out some of the more peculiar events in the future, I say we start focusing on what the next, more unusual sport will be.   Some of the criteria for a sport to be eligible for inclusion are popularity and for the sport to be recognized internationally – great, so let’s all get into Shin-Kicking!  Haha…no, I’m not kidding, it exists, look it up here.  I vote for this one.  Any other ideas out there?

Pulled from thejetpacker.com

The Main Thing

1 Aug

Quote by Stephen Covey.  Image found on an extinct website…

My happiness and the happiness of my family and friends will win the battle over the perceived importance of daily stressors every single time.  I like this clever little quote that so simply and easily reminds me of that.

A Realists Top 4 Ways to De-Stress from Work

24 Jul

Found imagine online. I’m not that creative.

We’ve all heard about the optimum ways to De-Stress.  Meditate, go for a walk, drink more water, smile…and I’m sure they work for a lot of people. But, then there are people who actually want to remove tension, anxiety and worry from their immediate world.  When I tell someone I had a stressful day at work and they suggest I should have taken a 5-minute walk, I want to do a combo move of laughing in their face and kicking them in the shin.  I’m not saying the following suggestions are healthy, or even responsible, but they work.  I’d love to think the normal clichés work for me, but sometimes, just sometimes, things suck so badly that a little walk around the block won’t cut it.  After a particularly bad day at work, follow my free and very logical advice on what to do when you finally make it out of the dragon’s lair.  None of these are innovative, but every now and then in moments of desperation we need things spelled out for us…

1.  HAVE A CONCERT/MINI DANCE PARTY IN YOUR CAR – On your way home put on some music that you can either sing to or dance to.  Turn it up extremely loud and sing and/or dance your way home.  You can also yell at your boss without fear of being terminated, vent to your rear view mirror about how you don’t need this kind of shit in your life, and cry a little, you know, let it all out.  This is the time to do that.  It’s good to do all this in the semi-privacy of your car so by the time you get home, you have finished Phase One of de-stress mode.  Most of your outward erratic behavior will be gone and you can begin Phase Two.

Personal note: You also might want to tone it down a notch at traffic lights.  Unless, of course, you really feel like giving the world a big “Fuck You!”, then of course you just keep on signing!  You give a good show to that homeless guy staring at you from the side of the road.

I had nothing to do with creating anything to do with this imagine…some awesome person odysseyroc did –

2.  HAVE A DRINK – Now you’re home.  Call up a friend(s) and go to anywhere that serves alcohol.  OR, stay at home and drink by yourself.  Now, some of you may think that if you turn to alcohol while you’re stressed, that makes you an alcoholic.  Well, let me assure you, I’ve taken a poll consisting of me, myself and myself and we all concur that isn’t true.  However, if you are stressed at work and have a drink during work hours, that’s a different story, but still something we can talk about.  We’ll take that one on a case by case basis.

3.  WATCH TV – Spend the rest of the evening watching TV or movies.  Once you’re focused on anything other than work, you will forget – obvious, right?  Anything will do, reality, sit-coms, the excellent cable programming they have on these days,  anything but sad movies/shows.  This will do nothing but snap you back into reality.  Seriously, stick with “Project Runway” or “Top Chef” (and yes, I do consider “Dance Moms” and “Keeping up with the Kardashians” sad TV).  Make sure to stay up as late as possible to prove to yourself that work doesn’t own you and you still have your own life and can make your own decisions like staying up late like a child to watch TV and NOT getting a good night’s sleep.  When you wake up on the couch and wonder if the time on clock is displaying 3:00 a.m. or p.m., it’s time to head to bed.

4.  SLEEP – Finally.  You will be tired since you stayed up entirely too late watching TV.  I know that many people who are experts in depression view this as just another symptom, but let me make my case.  When you are sleeping you can’t be stressed!  Simple as that.  There’s nothing to think about.  There’s nothing to worry about.  There’s nothing to [insert anything here].  See, you get it!  So I suggest sleeping off the rest of your night until that little asshole of an alarm starts-a-buzzing at the crack of dawn.

This list may seem silly, maybe even stupid, but I followed these guidelines just last night and here I am – STRESS-FREE.  I may be tired, hungover and hoarse, but stress-free nonetheless.  Success.

I had nothing to do with creating this quote/image/color/layout.

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